Befriending the Beast: 6 Ways to Work with Anger
We have so many reasons to be angry right now.
Anger enters our life with Gifts to offer.
It is not for anyone but you to know what Gift your Anger is bearing for you; what Anger reveals when it fists the veil between fingers and gives it a yank.
When I started intentionally connecting with and attending to my Emotions (especially time-traveling ones), it was very difficult for me to be present with Anger. From ages 10-20, Anger consumed me like a furnace. I would erupt like a volcano after long, dormant periods of denying any existence of needs, boundaries, and feelings. My Anger was an eruption of suppression, both alike and different from the Anger I saw modeled around me (explosion of lava or needles, implosion of broken mirrors, the festering rot of resentment, the cold tundra of isolation, the stifling cotton-mouthed weight of silence).
As I have learned more about Anger, the Parts of Me who are Angry have had so much to share with me. Only recently have I worked with those Parts more directly, allowed them to heal & Elevate & become Guides with whom I walk my life in Reciprocal Devotion.
The work of Elevation and connecting in this way with Hurt Parts, I deeply urge you to do in community of some kind. This Community can be a community of the Unseen, your good spirits and wise + well guides who are already there to support you, or it can also be a community of the Incarnate such as a conscious community/group, therapist or other healing relationship. It can also be with a trusted relationship with family or friends, however that is your own work to assess whether this kind of healing is possible in those dynamics.
Healing in a highly individualized, colonialized, and policed culture is exceedingly difficult, since it is a sisyphian challenge to heal from ongoing systemic violence. Rather than returning to any previously untraumatized state, said Healing may be seen as more of an evolution & adaptation to a toxic environment that allows for a returning to state of Wholeness and connection with Spirit that can endure the Disintegration and Rejection of Truth that is continuing to happen all around. The purpose is not to banish Anger, but to befriend her, forming an internal alliance which serves (rather than diminishing) your power.
Just with this acknowledgment, I feel the Anger (so Righteous, so Just) returning to us, attending to the Disruption.
So yes, the wounds of disconnection and disembodiment often require the medicine of connection and embodied attention to heal. I pray that you may find those spaces that are right for you, and that your Anger & their infinite wisdom will meet you there.
Below, I have create a list of 6 ways I have benefited from working with Anger. It is not a handbook or recipe, just some tips from one traveller to another along this dusty and winding road. Each one has a brief explanation of the function (What), an incomplete list of examples (How), as well as some reflection questions (Reflect). In all this, you are encouraged to return to yourself as the Truth-Keeper of your experience, the Librarian of your own Akasha, and to take up the delightful and wondrous work of discerning the best next step upon your path.
1. Becoming Curious & Entering Intentional Relationship with the Anger (Witness + Learn)
What: Find ways to Identify, Describe, Specify, and get otherwise Curious about your Anger and how it shows up.
How: *creating a list of sensations associated with Anger; *identifying memories that you associate with Anger (both your own and others); *journaling about what significance the emotion of Anger has to you and how you relate to it in past/present; *drawing a picture of how Anger feels in your body; *putting on a song or creating an Anger playlist & moving your Body (to learn more about how Anger wants to move you)
Reflect: When you identify that you are Angry, what do you feel and experience? What memories do you recall that help you Define and Understand Anger? How does the Anger feel in your Body? How does Anger want to Move in your Body?
2. Speaking the Unspoken (Express + Witness)
What: In Speaking the Unspoken, you pass the microphone to the Parts of yourself that are still Angry. And often they feel it at someONE or someTHING. Anger is a vectored emotion, often directional in expression, and They want something to be different. Parts of you that have immense Anger are also Parts that want the best for you. This is an important and necessary Truth. Anger is an emotion that tells us we are getting something that we don’t want/need or that we aren’t getting something we do want/need; the foundational aspect of many boundaries.
How: *While alone, speak out loud to the person/situation you’re angry at and let that Angry Part really unleash their frustration; *Write a letter to someone that you’re really angry about; *Create Art about the Anger, expressing the feelings (it can be as literal or as abstract as feels supportive - it is okay to just scribble or tear up paper as an expression of the Anger)
Reflect: What, specifically, is this Anger feeling directed towards? If there is a Person, a Concept, a Memory that comes up in association, what would you say to them if there were no consequences to doing so? What are some moments where you remember feeling silenced, either by yourself or others?
3. Playing with the Push (Express + Learn)
What: In the “Satisfaction Cycle” (a developmental series of movements that are part of early childhood interpersonal neurobiological development), Push is a movement associated with Self-Definition and Boundaries. Pushing against a wall or finding the Push in your body can be a way to engage a self-defining quality that can feel helpful in sequencing Anger through
How: *putting on music & finding ways to push while dancing, this can be pushing through feet, with hand motions, against walls or floor, etc.; *engaging in a physical activity that involves pushing or impact (ex: kickboxing, martial arts, or QiGong, which often engages meditative pushing motions); *when feeling frustrated, Push against the wall for a few minutes and journal about what you notice before vs. after
Reflect: What do you feel when you engage a Pushing motion? How do you feel about setting boundaries in relationships (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually/energetically)? What emotions arise when you engage in Push? How do the Parts who are Angry feel when you are Pushing?
4. Seeking Witnessing, Letting Anger Be Seen & Validated (Witness + Integrate)
What: If the expression of Anger feels unending, sometimes we need to contain it or have a process with which to enter and exit the container of our Sacred Rage. One such support can be to end your Anger Expression (like Steps 2 + 3 explore) with a self-validating statement or practice.
How: *Ending your Anger Expression practice with a prayer of some kind that honors your Anger’s Expression; *Writing a letter in response to your Anger letters, expressing the love & care they deserve (from your current Self to your past Self); *Sharing your experience with a trusted other who can help hold your experience
Reflect: What would make your Anger feel Heard/Seen/Felt? As Anger moved through you, what did you Learn? How has your perspective shifted in relationship with your Anger? What hopes/intentions do you have in moving forward with your Anger? What would you tell this Part of You if you could go back and support them with what you know now?
5. Applying Actionable Self-Care: (Learn + Trust)
What: Reparational self-parenting, where you tend to your emotional landscape and physical needs as if they are the utmost priority, just as you would for a helpless child who you were certain deserved it
How: *Making oneself food or nourishment that is comforting; *Tending to the rituals and rhythms of daily life with intention to support emotions and listen to Anger’s guidance; *Listening to the body about adjusting sleep / movement / rest as needed, especially after working with intense emotions; *Practicing non-judgment about healing process; *Correcting inner instances of negative self-talk, including having boundaries and values around how to communicate with oneself
Reflect: What makes you feel comforted and soothed? If there is a nurturing figure (can be fictional if this isn’t something you’ve experienced in your life) you can imagine, how would they care for you? What needs or wants have you been suppressing rather than expressing and how can you practice honesty with yourself about them, even if you cannot fulfill all of them with immediacy?
6. The Medicine of Discipline: Applying What You’re Learning from Anger (Trust + Integrate)
What: Relationships with Parts of/& Self are Real Relationships. This means that Trust is something that is built and lost and rebuilt stronger and more loving, just like with any Kin. If you are listening to your Anger and They draw your attention to boundaries that need to be drawn, repeat letter-recipients of Sacred Rage, or environments where the Anger becomes a Wildfire or a dims into a cold and corrupting imploding Flame… then it is also your good work to be Trustworthy to yourself and create actionable steps to integrate what you are learning.
How: *Saying Yes when you mean Yes and No when you mean No (even when there are consequences); *Being on your own team (even when it is hard an inconvenient); *Keeping the promises you make to yourself; *Extending the love & kindness that you extend to others to yourself; *Making & keeping regular commitments to Play with & Witness Anger and Hurt Parts
Reflect: How do you know when you want to do something? How do you make decisions and how can Anger’s Wisdom factor into making future decisions? How can you be kinder and more understanding with yourself? How does Resentment show up in your life? When do you silence Anger? How does Anger communicate to you in your daily life & how can you learn to listen to those messages?
note: all images used in this post were created by Zelda using AI (Canva)
